When all else fails, defer blame towards soccer

I am all riled up about how the Galaxy are killing David Beckham, but this is just too good to pass up: former Ohio State president Karen Holbrook denounced the culture of rioting at the university, then later back-tracked to everybody’s favorite fallback line — …in Europe, they literally kill people at soccer matches. Oh, of course! Let's cover up our problem with something completely unrelated, thousands of miles away! You know, that death in our community is a problem. But I wouldn't worry about it too much - in Iraq, people die literally every day!



Diesel, I’m looking at you on this one, as I’ve never been to Italy. But I have been to Columbus numerous times, and just knowing what I know, I’d rather walk through Italy with a picture of the Pope’s body engulfed in flames on my t-shirt than walk through Columbus in a Michigan t-shirt. But hey, they literally kill people at soccer matches in Europe, as you know.

But that’s not all. In the recent edition of SI, an ancient ‘Bama fan, Ken Fowler, tried to defend why selling out a spring game doesn’t make them “subhuman” by saying in some countries, they kill soccer players, don’t they? Yes, Ken, pretend you’re superior to others (in anything, I dare you), God knows you Southern folk have a history of that. I stopped reading the story after that line — but I was on my way there anyway, what with all the Nick Saban/Bear Bryant fellatio going on and all.