The cotton candy was sooooo much better than the game....

Due to an unexpected interruption, I didn't get a chance to finish my running diary of Chivas-Galaxy....however, I felt it would have been a total waste of time if I didn't post what I had, even if it's missing some edits. Chivas went on to win 3-0. There were so many funny moments in the second half, including a classic near-meltdown by Eric Wynalda, who was so irritated by the Galaxy he spewed non-sense for a good 10 minutes. I really wish I would have continued after halftime. Nonetheless, enjoy:

Preamble
Few people have the gift of comedy; even fewer can see a golden comedic moment coming before it happens. With that in mind, I bring you a running diary of Galaxy-Chivas, live on ESPN2, sans David Beckham. I’m debating whether or not to keep track of how many times Rob Stone, Eric Wynalda and Tommy Smyth (with a Y) mention Goldenballs’ name tonight – 25? 50? 100? With the Galaxy’s season all but over, they enter the game with a rare losing streak to Chivas, who have only beat them twice, including last month’s 3-0 beatdown. The aforementioned ESPN2 crew will no doubt give me plenty to talk about, and besides, Landon Donovan is in the game. Comedic gold, I’m predicting.

The good news about tonight’s broadcast is the WNBA Finals, Game Four, is over, thus we won’t lose any time to women’s basketball. The bad news? Detroit lost to Phoenix, forcing Game Five. This series is just tearing my heart in half, causing me much grief over the last week.

More women’s sports news
I watched some of the tape-delayed US-North Korea game on Tuesday night. One thing that struck me about North Korea was how mannish good they were. “The Best Team You’ve Never Heard Of” didn’t even deserve the 2-2 tie!

Pregame
A change in our booth today – no Rob Stone! Stoner must be off covering this week’s Big Ten-Mac non-conference showdown for ESPNU, or perhaps he’s considering how delicately to ask Lloyd Carr if he’s lost it during the halftime interview at Michigan-Notre Dame. He’s replaced by Glenn Davis, a reporter for the Houston Chronicle (and former NASL player), who I place just below Grant Wahl in my soccer writer man-crush latter.

We went to Houston a lot during my USSF days, and Glenn took the staff out for a couple of great nights around the town, and he made Houston actually look cool. Him and Thomas Rongen killed us with old NASL stories, including the time Thomas saved George Best’s wife from stabbing him. Besty even mentions this incident in his autobiography, thanking TR for saving his life. Good times!

1st Minute: And we’re off! Galaxy in white, Chivas in the traditional red and white stripes, with Chivas technically the home team. Meanwhile, the game is brought to you in HD, while the WNBA Finals were not. Eat shit, WNBA!

2nd Minute: Cobi Jones, who apparently can simply go by “Cobi,” gets the start for the Galaxy. Injuries have cost the Galaxy 48 man-games this season, meaning Cobi has to strap on the boots for 90 minutes down the right flank. Tommy Smyth has taken a break from gloating about calling David Beckham’s coming to America to actually deliver an interesting statistic: neither of these teams have won this season when allowing the first goal.

3rd Minute: And it’s already kicking off! Pete Vagenas takes down Jesse Marsch, who responds by throwing the ball at him and is booked.

6th Minute: Chivas’ Mendoza counters down the left flank, taking on Abel Xavier and firing a weak shot that falls harmlessly into the arms of Nick…err, Joe, Cannon.

7th Minute: In addition to announcing that he won’t dare get his uniform dirty or defend any actual key situations today, Abel Xavier announces that his name will be “Xavi” for the rest of the first half, just because. When I reckon that will confuse him with the Barcelona midfielder, Xavier points towards the camera and

8th Minute: Alan Gordon technically gets a shot off when he heads the game’s first corner into the 20th row.

10th Minute: What’s the day’s biggest sports story? Bill Belichek getting fined $500k and the Patriots losing a draft pick for stealing defensive signals? Greg Oden’s rookie year being over before it starts? Nope…how about McLaren getting fined $100 million for using stolen information from Ferrari in Formula One. Now that’s a punishment!

15th Minute: Landy and Kyle Martino combine on a great run, and while Martino tries to lose it in the box, he sets up Carlos Pavon beautifully, only for Pavon to fan on it. Seconds later, the Galaxy get it back, and Pavon sets up Gordon, who shoots meekly into Brad Guzan’s arms. Christ, these forwards are bad.

16th Minute: The cameras just showed Becks in a suite upstairs. Holy shit! He’s there?! I’m stunned. Completely speechless. He cares??

19th Minute: Randolph’s poor touch turns the ball over at midfield, and Chivas races down the right flank. Maykel Galindo is set up, but his left-footer from the top of the box goes right at Cannon. Wynalda earlier mentioned how Galindo looked “off” today, literally 13 minutes in the game. Takes one to know one.

21st Minute: Galindo, still off, fights off Randolph and dances around another defender and shoots right into Cannon’s mid-section from four yards away.

22nd Minute: How come, whenever I type “Carlos Pavon,” I type “Carl Pavano?”

23rd Minute: GOAL! Ante Razov finds himself in the exact same spot Galindo was minutes ago and makes Xavier look like he plays for, well, the Galaxy. Razov’s shot then deflects off Cannon and in off the far post, giving Chivas a 1-0 lead. The goal is Razov’s 107th, putting him three behind Jaime Moreno for MLS’ all-time leader. But what I’ll most remember is Xavier’s failed kick at Razov as he sauntered right by him. I told you this blog was a good idea!

26th Minute: When asked what is wrong with the Galaxy, Wynalda says “something is wrong” and that the team never gelled. Surely it can’t be comical defending like we just saw, could it, Waldo? That certainly wasn’t the first time the Galaxy have done that this season. It can’t just be the offense.

28th Minute: After rambling on about how the Galaxy’s offensive woes are to blame, Tommy Smyth jumps in and blames the defense, almost with an “are you nuts?” pitch to his voice. Hurrah, Tommy!

29th Minute: Beckham and Chris Albright, dressed quite dapperly, are absolutely shitting themselves laughing in the suite. Great shot.

30th Minute: Gordon finds the ball bounce right to him… never mind, he blew it, there’s something far funnier happening. The ensuing corner kick features more comedic genius from Xavier, who volleys the cross into Compton. To top it off, Xavier does a little jump-step before hammering the ball. This guy takes the cake.

32nd Minute: Trying to counter, Donovan launches a cross-field ball that hopes to free Pavon behind the Galaxy defense. But since he’s not Beckham, the ball sails and ends up out of bounce. This is the reason why we miss having David Beckham playing.

34th Minute: Waldo takes a pot-shot at soccer bloggers, calling them/us “the real geniuses of the world,” when he defends the “stuff” he took for saying North Korea was the real deal. I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt here, but I’m wondering where he got his information on a team from behind the Iron Curtain.

35th Minute: Great end-to-end action! Donovan has a terrible angle when Guzan charges out, and luckily has four defenders covering his goal and no Galaxy players in sight. The other way, Razov absolutely blasts a left-footer that goes well wide, but watching live looked a certain goal.

38th Minute: Another minute, another shot that goes right into the goalkeeper’s chest. This time it’s Mendoza, whose weak shot is just pathetic. Hit it, Sally! Moments later, Chivas gets the ball in the box, fails to shoot and then passes it around too much before losing it out of bounce. The announcers criticize them for not shooting, but can you really blame them for trying to bounce it around the Galaxy D?

41st Minute: The Chivas fans are unveiling a gigantic flag (honestly, the biggest flag I’ve ever seen)

42nd Minute: I caught some of Marsch’s appearance on (“Oy! Hallo!”) Fox Football Fone-In on FSC Wednesday night, and I was intrigued. When he was able to get a word in between Steven and that schmuck Nick Webster, Marsch gave us some valuable insight on the current and former USMNT coaches, saying Bruce Arena was more interested in the big picture, while Bob Bradley is more of a hands-on, micro-manager. He also mentioned how his current Chivas coach, Preki, was more of a defensive coach. Which is ironic, because Preki never defended. Why does that happen so often to former attacking players, in any sport, who adopt a defensive coaching philosophy?

Anyway, I thought Marsch’s insight was incredible, especially since we’ve heard all along at how Bruce and Bob are supposed to be so similar, since Bob came from the Bruce coaching tree.


43rd Minute: Now Albright and Beckham and the rest of the injured Galaxy players are eating cotton candy in the suite! Eric Wynalda can barely hide his disgust!